Why Share About My Burnout Experience?
I wrote about my burnout experience to share what I learned about helping myself through a terrible experience. I almost took my own life as a result of not knowing how to cope with accumulating stress, working with the emotional side of dentistry, and immense pressure I put on myself to be an over the top dental hygienist that went above and beyond for their patients.
I had not implemented any helpful strategies to keep these pressures from building. Eventually, I walked away from dentistry as I felt that was the better alternative then choosing my life expiration date. I never thought I would get those life ending thoughts, I never thought I would act on them. After nearly 3 years of fighting these thoughts I could not take them anymore. I did not understand why I had them. I was angry with myself as I felt I should be happy. I felt like I did not have a good enough reason to feel depressed, anxious, overwhelmed, and hopeless. I had accomplished becoming a dental hygienist and found the office that I wanted to stay at for my whole career. I should have been ecstatic! Yet, I was not. I felt closed off to any feelings of happiness and felt over exposed to emotions of negativity. I never felt good enough, even when co-workers and patients told me that they appreciated my work ethic and the care I provided.
It wasn’t until after my burnout experience that I realized I had been going through burnout. It might seem obvious to an onlooker; but gradual change can be hard to detect when you aren’t looking for it. As I decompressed for 2 years from my burnout experience, I began to understand that there was more than just being stressed at work. I had crumbled my self-confidence and was destroying myself for not being able to be perfect as a clinician or person.
I lost or missed out on nearly 3 years of my life while I had suicidal thoughts. It took me 4 more years to really learn what I needed to do differently and understand what had happened to me. These were years in my 20’s and 30’s that were distracted by overcoming this instead of enjoying life, possibly having children, going on adventures, finding new hobbies, being a supportive spouse, and the list can go on from here as who knows what I could have accomplished during this time.
What I went through has meaning and it is ok to mourn the loss of what could have been. The important thing is, I am still here and I want to make up for that lost time. My hope is that readers of my book are able to identify signs of burnout in their life earlier and get help earlier in the burnout cycle. Better yet, if they are able to implement the self-care strategies to help prevent a burnout cycle from occurring at all, then my book did its job. Now I am not a professional of mental health, and I do not have all the answers. If you are someone who is having suicidal thoughts right now then please go to the
suicide hotline website. They have a number you can text to get help immediately.
In Scaling Burnout, I share how I rebuilt myself and how I was able to return to dentistry and prevent burnout from occurring again. I had to put in the work of overcoming anxieties with tasks that are a part of the dental profession, learning how to separate myself from the emotions of others, and how to talk positively to myself.
This started with a list of what I could do to make returning to dentistry a possibility.
I began by making a list of how dentistry could be different if I went back with a better plan. This then turned into journaling about certain scenarios that triggered anxiety for me so I could begin to create a new process to follow so I could lead myself through those anxious moments. Journaling showed me the mindset challenges I had created so I could work on a new perspective. Then I was able to identify better work-life balance for myself that created healthier ways to process my emotions, to rest from work, to enjoy moments of life with people I loved. This showed me that I can do more than just avoid another burnout cycle, I can prevent it and enjoy life! I wanted to share this with others to help save them some time and prevent going through an experience like what I did.